an open letter to the one i want most –

04.03.17

at 1916H i write this open letter to you, to express how i feel about you.

i guess i never saw it coming, least did i expected it. but then again, a friend once told me that the best things happened unexpectedly.

you are the best unexpected thing that happened to me.

i write this letter to you, to tell you how much i want you. more than just a friend, and nothing less of a lover that i will cherish with all i have.

you are the only one, the one that fills my thoughts, my dreams, my everyday yearnings and beams.

i write this letter to you, to say it out loud why i want you. because you make me smile and laugh, you make me see life’s beauty and you are the reason i have hope. 

you became the very reason why i wanted to breathe happily again.

i write this letter to you, to remind you that i’ve always loved you. from a mere acquaintance to a friend, my love just grew deeper even if i’ve always played it cool on the surface of my facade.

you’re very blind to not have seen, how much love and effort i’m pouring in.

i write this letter to you, to assure that it’s perfectly okay if i’m not the one you choose. i won’t hold anything against you, and my love will forever run deep and true for you. i will wait, because forever isn’t far away when it’s for you.

you can choose any other flower now, but please don’t take more than forever to be mine.

i write this letter to you, to find out if you feel the same about me. i want to know so badly if there were any feelings from your part. i just want the truth.

you can say no, i won’t blame you. you can say no, i will take it and we can part in peace. or stay friends at least.

so i complete this letter at 1935H, with a finishing note – 
i will always love you.


nana

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if only.

02.03.17

if only you knew

that i have a thousand words to say to you

and a million words couldn’t describe 

the way i still feel about you

if only you knew

how long i’ve waited

and how i’m still stuck between

patience and goodbye

if only you knew

i had never once felt this way

but you came through 

and made me go all sorts of astray

if only you knew

i am not one to give up

but things change 

and i lost all hope

if only you knew

how much i didn’t want to give up on you

but what chances do we have 

when we’re born two people worlds apart ?


nana

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hurricane at bay.

14.01.17

~ it’s literally the perfect weather to be writing about her as her mind wanders into a state of self-reflecting, and hopefully not any self-loathing for today ~

she was bright, bubbly, jovial, positive…all things nice that her world could have ever been. her drive was strong, her need to do good was there and she felt amazing most of the time.

but one day she turned fourteen, and her emotional turmoil all began. sometimes she was sour, maybe even bitter…and other times, she was just fine.

but most of the time, she was misunderstood.

so she went from speaking her mind about everything, to hushing down her opinions for anything. she learnt that sometimes in this world, there was just no place to feel at all.

and sadly, she was perfectly okay with that, even though deep down it hurt her so bad.

when she was fifteen, loneliness became her best friend. being alone was something she was accustomed to, something she’s been living with for a while now.

she never expected much…in fact, she expected nothing at all. though her heart yearned for a companion that would make her stop drawing pretty red lines on herself. a companion that could understand her through and through.

few months into fifteen and someone came along. she thought he was it, the one, the one she needed and she gave him her all.

but boy, was she so very very very wrong. he wanted to fix her like a broken toy, yet he didn’t bother to know her foundations at all. but with him she saw the light of day occasionally…with him, she felt happiness, though not eternally.

then came the year she was turning sixteen and her only wish was for the one to stay true. but as we all know, every wish is a dream, and hers was a dream untrue.

he left. or maybe she left. but she was driven to the edge of leaving. she couldn’t take the pretense, and all the pain that came with acting like someone she wasn’t. he couldn’t understand her. she wasn’t enough for him. never enough, at all.

an awkward seventeen…stuck between waiting and forgetting. she couldn’t decide if she wanted to let go…or hold on to the diminishing hope.

he didn’t bother so neither did her. now she seeks closure and alone she shall find it for her. she basks in solitude, treats personal space with plenty of gratitude. but in the end, her loneliness still screams, consuming her it seems.

now she awaits eighteen, with hope and dreams.

but everyone doesn’t seem to fit, doesn’t seem to make her beam. as in her eyes, love was for soft rains, but she was one hell of a hurricane.

a storm undeserving of any love.

 

nana

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have you ever.

15.08.16

” Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I’m sorry
Can’t you see, that’s the way I feel about you and me,

Baby, have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin’ down the road you should be taking
I should know, ‘cos I loved and lost the day I let you go “

 

nana

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i’m not the only one.

11.08.16

” you say, i’m crazy

’cause you don’t think i know what you’ve done. 

but when you call me baby, 

i know i’m not the only one. “

 

and i know that i’ll never be your only one.

ever.

from the first time we met

till the day i went

i couldn’t tell

if your love was true

and i only felt

a glimmer of hope

momentarily

but you went ahead

took her in your embrace

love her just the same you did me

and then you pushed me away

no regrets, feeling like i was a mistake you made

and henceforth i knew

i would never be your only one.

ever.

 

nana

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he who loved me not.

06.08.16

the light of my life

the apple of my eye

the soul i needed to survive

the boy who said goodbye

the charming lies

the moonlit eyes

the honorary friend

the boy who caused a horrific end

the guy that cared

the bro who always shared

the pal that protected

the boy who made me the shattered.


nana

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