she is me.

02.03.17

gullible.

stupid.

naive.

easy.

these were the words she repeated in her head countlessly as she lay awake in the middle of the night.

how can she believe the words he said? how can she fall for the way he behaves?

it was all a lie. a cleverly formulated lie. a manipulative game that stabbed right through her chest when she knows she’s lost.

he knew what would get to her. he knew she plays it cool. he knew she would fall if he fooled her a little more. and so he did.

he left her a broken shell. not that she wasn’t broken to begin with. but her cracks were starting to mend, piece by piece – only for him to break it all again.

but he couldn’t take away the hope from her. her hopes of him coming back once he realised what he had done.

funnily though, he knew what he did. and there was no regret on his part. coming back was a choice, a choice he rather forgo.

so she’s all alone now. damaged, deranged, delirious. fragments of her laid all over the place, just like a broken glass.

will healing ever take its place? that was only if she still wanted her heart, already full of stitches and scars and wounds that she could only blame on her part.

broken.

lost.

depressed.

worthless.

the words that simply describe her now. this girl, you see…

she is me.

 

nana

Standard

got me going c r a z y.

26.09.16

2209H

 

i spend my summer nights

drowning in my fallen fight

i wish someone would take the pain away

but then i refuse to let anyone stay

 

i spend my summer nights

drinking away in the limelight

thinking how my efforts were a waste

stressing over how he left me a bad taste

 

i spend my summer nights

crouched and ready to flight

the adrenaline a no joke

tempting me to sniff coke

 

i spend my summer nights

praying substance abuse won’t be my plight

but then i caught his gaze

and everything else became a blurry daze

 

i spend my summer nights

recounting memories of how we were tight

thought he’d stick by when he knew

but maybe to him i was just one of his few

 

i spend my summer nights

feeling downcast and out of sight

tried to hide all of my pain

but then i ask, what do i gain

 

i spend my summer nights

trying to live with all my might

but he had driven me into a frenzy

and now he got me going crazy

 

2222H

 

nana

Standard

speak for the broken.

21.08.16

 

you had me at hello

lost me at goodbye

said you’ll rid my sorrows

but then you became my demise

 

you loved me one day

but then you threw me away

just because i wasn’t okay

so you didn’t want to stay

 

but that’s alright with me

it’s nothing new or unique

got left behind by plenty

with no one i could seek

 

and after all this time

i still stood by my life

if i had changed for the people

i would be bursting my own bubble

 

broken and dead inside

with no medication that could fix

tired of standing tall

now i’m on the bathroom floor

 

my cuts bleed

and my scars won’t fade

don’t need no stitches

they’ll come undone anyway

 

hysteria deep in my bones

a body where chaos reigns

no matter how hard i try

the disturbia won’t fade away

 

nana

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