hurricane at bay.

14.01.17

~ it’s literally the perfect weather to be writing about her as her mind wanders into a state of self-reflecting, and hopefully not any self-loathing for today ~

she was bright, bubbly, jovial, positive…all things nice that her world could have ever been. her drive was strong, her need to do good was there and she felt amazing most of the time.

but one day she turned fourteen, and her emotional turmoil all began. sometimes she was sour, maybe even bitter…and other times, she was just fine.

but most of the time, she was misunderstood.

so she went from speaking her mind about everything, to hushing down her opinions for anything. she learnt that sometimes in this world, there was just no place to feel at all.

and sadly, she was perfectly okay with that, even though deep down it hurt her so bad.

when she was fifteen, loneliness became her best friend. being alone was something she was accustomed to, something she’s been living with for a while now.

she never expected much…in fact, she expected nothing at all. though her heart yearned for a companion that would make her stop drawing pretty red lines on herself. a companion that could understand her through and through.

few months into fifteen and someone came along. she thought he was it, the one, the one she needed and she gave him her all.

but boy, was she so very very very wrong. he wanted to fix her like a broken toy, yet he didn’t bother to know her foundations at all. but with him she saw the light of day occasionally…with him, she felt happiness, though not eternally.

then came the year she was turning sixteen and her only wish was for the one to stay true. but as we all know, every wish is a dream, and hers was a dream untrue.

he left. or maybe she left. but she was driven to the edge of leaving. she couldn’t take the pretense, and all the pain that came with acting like someone she wasn’t. he couldn’t understand her. she wasn’t enough for him. never enough, at all.

an awkward seventeen…stuck between waiting and forgetting. she couldn’t decide if she wanted to let go…or hold on to the diminishing hope.

he didn’t bother so neither did her. now she seeks closure and alone she shall find it for her. she basks in solitude, treats personal space with plenty of gratitude. but in the end, her loneliness still screams, consuming her it seems.

now she awaits eighteen, with hope and dreams.

but everyone doesn’t seem to fit, doesn’t seem to make her beam. as in her eyes, love was for soft rains, but she was one hell of a hurricane.

a storm undeserving of any love.

 

nana

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