today was a really bad day. i don’t even know why but i felt really angry , upset and depressed. i just felt sad. i’m not really expecting anyone to understand though, i myself can’t grasp why i’m feeling this way. the number of times i broke down crying today, i couldn’t even begin to count. they were angry tears. that, i’m sure of. i’m angry at myself. the self-hatred really got bigger today. i just hate myself even more for hurting those that care for me. it hurts me so much to push them away but i’d rather do so, than to hurt them even further with my bitchy attitude. i really don’t want to live anymore. life is pointless. my life is so fucked over. i feel all alone. i’m drowning in my own demons. they’re killing me while they live. washing me out. the higher i get, the lower i’ll sink. i can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.