feels like i’m drowning in guilt. sigh. i can’t even stay clean now. every single time i give in to the temptation and relapse and it feels so wrong to be cutting but then again, it feels just right. the pain makes me feel. at least it tells me i’m alive, right ? but after every indulgence, i just feel more guilt piling on me. maybe one day that would be the reason i completely sink. sometimes i wish it never had to be this way but gosh, reality sucks. baby steps maybe. maybe one day it’ll all just vanish and disappear. but how can that ever happen if everytime i take a step forward, it’s two steps back ?